[unedited]
My body gets confused so easily now. Things will be connecting and flowing and working together to facilitate and support and then suddenly there’s some glitch in the system. Something tries to operate independently or organize in some other way and then the whole of me gets lost, confused, muddled.
I have to resist to release right now. I have to feel that pressure, that push, that exertion to then let it go and let go. I need to feel my boundaries intensely to know that I am okay, that I can relax and breathe easy. But in those moments of resistance, of push, I push with so much more than I need. I don’t just push, but parts of me withhold, they brace, they grip – it’s like they are preparing for a blow back or maybe for failure. And sometimes, they reach in opposing directions – thinking they’re helping, but just really exerting far more than I need.
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